Recipe & Photo by Lauren Glucina ASCENION KITCHEN


Kale is so hot right now. He’s trending, and he’s flying off the shelves like you wouldn’t believe. People love him. Can’t get enough of him. I know this because the sweet old lady at my local fruit and veggie shop told me. He was a nobody last year, but this year people are asking for him by name.

Well I’m not surprised, Kale is the King of Greens! And rightly so. If you have never dined with him before, here is a little bit of dirt:


Not only thanks to an abundance of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, but to the omega-3 fatty acids it contains (10% of the recommended daily intake per cup)

Full of fibre
To keep a healthy colon and help lower cholesterol

A good source of iron
That is better absorbed by the body than non-plant-based sources of iron. Per calorie, Kale has more iron than beef

High in calcium
Per calorie, Kale has more calcium than milk

High in Vitamin C
To keep your immune system strong

High in Vitamin A
All the better to see you with!

High in Vitamin K
Bone builder and heart protector

A cancer preventor
Kale lowers the risk of some cancers such as bladder, breast, colon, ovary and prostate.

Dark leafy greens reduce carbon footprints. They grow almost anyway, take up to two months to mature, and are low impact to actually grow. As a comparison, cattle raised for beef take up to 2 years to mature, and just one kilo of beef requires 15 thousand litres of water (water is the new oil people!), and 10 kilos of grain to be fed! Livestock consume more human-edible protein than they produce! 

The only little gripe I personally have with Kale, is that he can be a little bitter when you eat him raw, but that is easily solved when you coat him in a delicious creamy mixture like the one I’ve made today, and dehydrate him to make super tasty Kale chips.

SERVES:  Makes three dehydrator trays

PREP TIME:  5 – 10 Minutes

COOKING TIME:   7 hours

DIETARY CONSIDERATION:  Raw, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, Sugar Free, Dairy Free, Soy Free, Gluten Free


  • 1 bunch of Curly Kale

  • 1 cup of Raw Cashews, soaked in water 8 hours

  • ½ chopped White Onion

  • 2 tbsp of Nutritional Yeast

  • ½ tsp of Mustard Seeds

  • ½ tsp of Turmeric Powder

  • ½ tsp of Paprika

  • ½ tsp of Flaky Sea Salt

  • A good sprinkle of Fennel Seeds

  • ¼ cup of Water



Vitamix or Blender of Choice


Firstly, you don’t have to use Curly Kale, there are other varieties such as Dinosaur Kale, which has a large flat leaf, I only chose the Curly kind because I think they look pretty.

Tear the leaves of the Kale away from his stalk, and again into bite sized pieces, then set aside in a big mixing bowl. Throw everything else except the fennel seeds into the blender, blend till creamy. Use this mixture to give the Kale a bit of a massage, he really likes that. Make sure he gets well coated. Sprinkle with fennel seeds. Put on trays and into the dehydrator at 100˚f for 7 hours. Give him a final sprinkling of sea salt and serve.

Yes you can make these in an oven if you don’t have a dehydrator, but the benefit of the dehydrator is that the constant, low temperature preserves the enzymes from being damaged, and enzymes keep us healthy and young, so we want those.

But if you go the oven route, you’ll just have to be a really good stalker. Like, a really, really good stalker. Keep eyes on him every few minutes. Usually ten minutes baking at a low temperature is enough to get him nice and crispy.

Stacey Christie